Propulsion
by headtrip parade
Summary: My short take on the promo for 3x16.


**Hi! I took a bit of a hiatus but that promo last night stirred something up so I wanted to speculate. Here's my short take on it. Enjoy. :)**

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If there was ever a good kind of dizzy-an invigorating, binding, _good_ kind of dizzy-Deacon Claybourne had always been the man to make Rayna feel it.

Even, she marveled, under these circumstances.

Only he could could shake her to her very core; deliver a blow so damning. Only he could then shut her out with such vehemence that it would seem he was openly challenging her to break his walls.

And it was certainly only him who could look her in the eye after it all, completely smolder her into a pile of burning embers on the ground, and ravish her with such a gentle intensity that she couldn't help but weep.

She looked around wistfully, catching her breath and recalling effortlessly the sweat, the tears, and the bittersweet heaviness of it all.

She reveled at the sight of their legs intertwined, some parts above and some parts beneath the flannel blanket. It was almost painful to her, how comfortable it felt... how right.

How _unfair_.

Her gaze traveled up to his calloused hand draped gingerly over her elbow, and it occurred to her just how easy it would be to get angry all over again. She could rage again; bust up a few more guitars. She could scream. She could kick and punch and wail into thin air that this was supposed to _finally_ be their chance and fate or karma or even God himself had ripped it from them so violently.

But his breath stopped her.

She lifted her face to look at him, unable to to keep a grin from spreading across her lips. It was amazing to her how something so simple as his eyes gazing at her could completely do her in; how they could make her forget if even for five seconds.

"What?" She asked softly, sliding her hand up and down the length of his upper arm. She couldn't bring herself to admit or accept that the strength she used to find there had diminished slightly.

"You're beautiful."

She smiled, continuing to stroke his arm.

He sighed, bringing his hand to her face and laying it protectively on her cheek.

"This is real, ain't it Ray? I'm not dreaming?"

"I sure hope you're not."

His hand stayed on her face, his thumb lightly grazing her cheekbone as if he needed tangible reassurance.

"You're right here? You're mine?"

She smiled wider and nuzzled her body even closer to his, surprised that it was even possible.

"I'm not going anywhere, babe."

He grinned widely; infectiously as he leaned his face in closer to hers, bridging the gap.

"Good. Cause I'm not lettin' you go again."

She smiled. Laughed, even. Whether she knew it or not, those words had been everything she needed to hear for the last year. She especially needed to hear them for the last few hours-she needed to know for an undoubtable fact he had no intention of letting her go.

_Ever_.

"Perfect."

She anticipated the kiss; craved it. As badly as she needed to hear him say all of the words, she needed his lips on hers to reassure they were there, together, and alive.

Allowing his tongue to explore hers with reckless abandon, she raised her hands to his hair, forcefully gripping it as if she really were trying to hang on to every piece of him for dear life.

Then it hit her like a ton of bricks.

It all came back to her as she pulled her face away from his and sheepishly, sadly, nuzzled it into the crook of his neck.

His body stiffened a tinge, but he continued to protectively hold her.

She thanked God for that.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?"

His voice was full of concern for her, which broke her heart into even more shards. She tried stifling the tears that were beginning to slide down her face, but it was to no avail. Hell, she should've known there wasn't even a point in hiding it from him. He could read her, every inch of her, like the most engaging, profound novel.

She just shook her head.

"Ray," he lifted her chin so he could see her; so he could witness every trace of pain that would pass through her eyes. "We've done enough of this. No more secrets, right? Talk to me."

She took a breath.

"This place. Us. Like this. The last time..."

He didn't have the clearest of memories of the night she referred to, but based on a very painful conversation that had taken place right after she had thrown his ring at him the next morning, he could only draw small conclusions. They'd never spoken of it again and he had tried, somewhat unsuccessfully, to repress the moment he truly lost her for so many years.

_Why now?_

Then it washed over him with the force of ten Mississippi Rivers and she saw it. She could see the click in his eyes as he finally put two and two together and it became obvious to her that she wasn't going to have to spell it out for him.

"Maddie?"

His voice choked slightly.

She nodded, watching intently as the fire in his eyes went from one of realization and pride that their daughter had been created at such a hallowed place, to relief that she had been welded from a place of careful love and not one of their quick, infamous storage closet trysts, to a dead sadness that he could barely remember any of it.

Hot tears threatened, but he breathed in sharply, blinking them back.

"Hey," Rayna shook her head. "Come on now."

"It's hard, Ray. I don't remember making her, I don't remember where I was when she was born... God damn, I don't remember any of it. It's like I wasn't even here."

She smiled at him sadly, running a finger down the side of his face.

"I know, babe. And I'm sorry. But you were here. You were here with me, just like you're here now. You have her now, and you have me. And we're not leaving you. We'll be here the whole way."

He wiped his eye swiftly, leaning down to her and placing a solid kiss on her forehead as the reality of everything she said crept in.

_She's right_.

They were together and there was no more hiding. There were no more secrets.

They wouldn't be going anywhere. She and Maddie would support him and love him through every piece of this crushing darkness, and he wasn't sure how he ever got to be so blessed.

There was one more gut wrenching thing he had to do, though. It was going to break him and he knew he wouldn't be able to do it without her. He could lift anything and run anywhere but he could never have the strength to make his next move alone.

"We have to tell her."


End file.
